Kimi ga Ireba
by BrokenCheshireCat
Summary: I was a fool. You said you loved me and I dismissed it. But now I've grown and you're no longer near. I need to see you...because I love you too." Amuto


**Title:** Kimi ga Ireba - When You're Here  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** IkutoxAmu, Amuto  
**Summary:** "I was a fool. You said you loved me and I dismissed it. But now I've grown and you're no longer near. I need to see you...because I love you too." Amuto  
**Warnings:** Ikuto (lol, of course he needs warnings) and mention of nakedness.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own Shugo Chara. If I did...AMUTOAMUTOAMUTOAMUTO...you know the drill...

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It's been a long time...too long. Since I last saw you, I mean. After all that Easter issue, you disappeared. You were finally free and no longer had a reason to be around anymore. Not even after you mention that you loved me.

I never really considered those words real until a few years ago. I guess that little kids really don't understand what real love is about. I was a fool and I hurt you without meaning to.

It has really been...a long time. I wonder how you're doing. Utau did mention that you transfered to a far away school to pursuit your dream of becoming a professional violinist. I know you could have done it here, but I guess you didn't want to be near your bad memories of Easter...or, no matter how much it hurts to admit, of me.

The fact that I started dating Tadase-kun must have really hurt you. I mean, you and me were the ones who summoned the Embryo and did the most work in finishing Easter's plans for good. We had some kind of chemistry between us that was so obvious to us both and even to my friends and your sister. But I simply labeled it as a "stupid kid's crush". It was real. And I threw it away like garbage.

We stayed together, Tadase-kun and me, for almost two years until we both understood that what we had was not what I wanted anymore. Not after meeting you.

By the time we reached the last year of middle school, we were all still friends. We weren't Guardians anymore, but we kept our Shugo Charas and maintained our friendship. Even Kairi joined us even though our conversations were mostly awkward, since he had also confessed to me.

Is that how it would have been between us? All this awkward environment in which we wouldn't have a deep and normal conversation between us. I really miss those. I hadn't noticed that you were the only one back then who had them with me. The first time I realized it, my heart skipped a beat and my face flushed. You really considered me to be more than just some dumb kid.

As you well know, or at least I hope you do, I wrote to you a lot. But to my dismay, you never wrote back. only to your sister, to Utau. I've read every single one of your letters to her, hoping for some sign that you missed me, but apparently you only talked about how must you enjoyed your freedom and the chance to live your dream.

Utau and me get along much better these days, even though there are still some things in which we still disagree, mostly when it concerns you. Would you be surprised if I told you that most of time I'm the one who starts them? I even had the courage to tell her how much I missed and loved you. She gave me one of your pictures for me to keep. It's one of those in which you were sleeping so peacefully with Yoru cuddled on top of your head. You look so cute. I treasure it every single day.

To tell you the truth, I tried to look and date other guys. But they were no you. They wouldn't approach me. They wouldn't try to flirt with me, tease me, or even make me the slightest interested in them. You really did spoil my heart, didn't you? Or maybe it was not you, it was me.

All these years, keeping my cool & spicy exterior must have pushed some guys away. To them, I was always too diffrent from the other girls, too...out of reach. It was on times like these when I was mostly happy that you saw right through me.

I guess...I really do ramble a lot, don't I? I don't now if you ever knew the date of my birthday, but I turned 18 last week. I'm an adult now. I can leave as well. And leave I shall. I'll photograph musicians throughout the world if I have to, just so I can meet you again.

This probably will be the last letter I write to you for a while. I don't expect an answer. Since I didn't receive one to all the others I sent, I have a feeling that this won't be any different. Sorry if I sound desperate. Sorry, if I don't seem the same. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being the stupid, idiot one for casting you away. No more! I'll leave in a week, and no one will stop me!

**--**

There. All done. My suitcase is done, the purse with my four eggs in place around my waist, and some warm clothes on my body. Some long shorts covering my dark tights and a dark loose sweatshirt to keep me warm. Even though the colours that I wear aren't different from what I used to wear when you were still around, my style improved a lot. I guess it really pays to be more honest with myself.

I look back at the mirror and feel hesitant and nervous for the first time since I made up my mind to look for you. My hair is only a bit longer than before and my body as filled more. I also carry the Humpty Lock around my neck, just so you recognize me when we finally meet. But sometimes I wonder...do you still remember me? Do you have someone at your side?

I shake my head as soon as those thoughts assault my mind. I can't give up just yet. Not now. Not when I've finally made up my mind. It was then, right after those thoughts crossed my mind, that I heard a knocking on my balcony. My heart couldn't help but to skip a beat. Slowly, but surely, I turn around, and there you were in all your feline glory.

With tremble hands, I open the door. Your expression is emotionless, and that only makes the pain in my heart worse.

"Hi...Amu."

"Huh...yeah, hi Ikuto!" It feels awkward. "You look well." Well, actually you look hot, but that would be an even more awkward way to start a conversation. You're what, 24 years old? That little gap between our ages doesn't look so big anymore. Realizing it now, makes it harder to supress the need I have to hug you.

"You too. And look beautiful as well." You smirk and I can't help but to blush. God, I missed my blushes. And your smirk looks the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time.

From the corner of my eye I can see Yoru reuniting with my shugo charas. I wonder why he's still around. Wasn't he the representation of your need to be free? What is still holding you back?

You seem to notice my curious stare, because you don't seem to hesitate in answering my unspoken question. "I seem to still be addicted...well, attached to you. Apparently my _fake _feelings for you can do that."

You love me! You still love me! And all of this makes me feel multiple pangs in my heart. If only I had been more comprehensive with you...I'm sure you wouldn't have left.

"Lets go Yoru. We shouldn't have come." You turn around to leave and I feel like I'm reliving my life all over again. Too much cliché, you know? And I hate it.

Can't control myself anymore. The rationality has left the room and I don't give a damn. My tears are spilling and my emotions are running wild. You can't leave me again. Not this time. I run to you and hug you from behind.

"Ikuto...!"

A sigh. I want more. Please, don't just sigh at me.

"Amu..."

"I missed you!"

"...I missed you too."

"You didn't contact me in all these years."

"...I know. Tried many times. I just couldn't bring myself to do it."

I can feel the sadness in your voice. And I know you're giving in to my words, and my tears, and my embrace.

"I love you!" I pratically scream because I know that doing so in a different way wouldn't seem so real to me. You have got to know, got to listen to my heart.

"...Amu, I love you too. Always did, always will."

You turn around and smile at me. I was pretty sure at this moment that if I didn't love you so far, that this would have been the turning point. As your lips approach mine, I simply can't help but to hold you closer, to bring you body closer to mine. The kiss is chast at first, but you add some more pressure to it and I feel like I can fly. I don't think it would be impossible too, since my heart seems to be doing it already.

As the kiss ends, I can't help but to look at you with a smile that matches your own. My blush is obvious but I rather keep it that way. "Don't go..." I whisper in a sort of desperate way with a little hit of sensuality.

Hours later, we find ourselves in my bed holding one another. Even without clothes, I don't feel cold. Your body heat keeps me warm and the gentle beat of your heart, while you sleep, makes me feel safe. I look to the other side of the room, to where you left that precious pile of letters, all of them from me to you, or even vice-versa. I can't help but to smile foundly at the words of love you kept save through all this years along with a small velvet box, now empty.

As I feel my conciousness leaving me, I hold you closer and can't help to think that all will be okay.

Ikuto...thank you for being here...

**End**

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Aww, damn, I feel so goey inside. It's been a while since I last uploaded a story. The Amutoness was pratically destroying my normal life. I just had to write one story. But I lacked a plot...and it decided to come at 6 FRICKIN AM!! Anyway, The title was based on a song by Buono. Love their songs, hope they continue to make many more songs after Shugo Chara ends. Yup, I ramble too, much but for putting up with my story you deserve a cookie. I'll give even Amuto plushies if you review -makes angel face-


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